Not sure.

Im not even sure if this blog gets read anymore, since I never post much anymore. And I appologize in advance for incorrect grammar or spelling, I am doing this from my phone so please bare with me.

I find myself running through different emotions tonight and all for good reason, just not sure why there are so many. I guess that Im what you would call a thinker. Someone who is constantly worrying about the past, present and future. Everything you could ever imagine, I think it every day. Not sure if Im just strange or if everyone does this.

For example, I think of the obvious first, my family. My husband is amazing and I love him like crazy. My kids are hellians, but I love them with every fiber of my being. My mother, because she is amazingly strong. My father... oh how I miss him. My siblings, because they are the best there is. My friends, because they still like me even though Im nuts. Then it gets serious... bills, exes, things that break, trust, hatred, bullying, more stress and the list grows.

Im not sure why Im writing this. Especially here. But I suppose its due to the fact that its after midnight and Im still awake because my mind wont rest until I vent.

I need to let go of things so that I can function properly. Maybe Im just being a baby. Meh, who knows. Im feeling pretty crappy tonight. Not the best Mom today. Life is precious. Family is all that is important. Something that I need to remember. I need to work on my communication skills a tad bit. Then I might not feel so shitty. Wish me luck.... Goodnight everyone. And sleep tight.

xo-Jackie

Bucket List

I have wanted to create one of these Bucket Lists for a very long time now and I think that I really need to start it. I can't see myself actually doing them in order but here goes a rough draft:

Fly in a plane.
Go to Hawaii (which also helps me out with flying ha)
Get noticed in the Photography world.
Open a studio.
Build a home.
Shake hands with someone famous.
Get a tattoo. (Yes, I am aware that this will not go over well with my Mother.)
Own a super expensive camera without going in debt.
Own size 4 pants Haha :)
**Fit in size 4 pants** Lol
Go to England. This is a HUGE dream!
Take my kids on a fun vacation before they leave the nest.
Have a food fight.
Take College classes.
Have a big birthday party! (Always thought a surprise birthday would be fun)
Read 100 books. (not a huge book reader. but I can check off about 15 books off the list)
Learn how to make furniture.
Take James to Scotland.
Travel the united states.
Take pictures of some of the countries most famous landmarks.
Buy a brand new car.
Go on a cruise... Just noticing how many of these require traveling. How exciting! :)
Be able to do a hand stand again. (Might take a long time to get there.)
Do army push-ups.
Go to at least 20 more concerts.


Now I realize that there is more traveling than anything else but I am okay with that. I can't wait to get started. All my life I have heard of everyone else going to Europe or Italy or more simple destinations, like California, New York and Florida-well it's now my chance to leave the state without my destination being Nevada. :)

Most of it is a Photography experience. And I can't wait to be a part of that. :)

Has anyone else made a list? I am curious.

Happy birthday to everyone who has leap year birthdays!! :)  -Just thought that I would throw that out there-

Facebook Trash?

I woke up this morning to get my kids ready for school and decided that I had a few extra minutes to check my Facebook, as I do so often throughout the day, and I was alarmed to see that one of my good guy friends soon to be EX Wife had gotten on to his Facebook and just blabbed to everyone about their personal life and really let him have it. I was shocked, appalled, irritated and just down right pissed off. Even though they will remain nameless, this girl always bashes her husband on Facebook as soon as he does something. No matter what he says, she trashes him. He has done nothing but be nice and try to fix things and every time he says he loves and misses the old times, she blabs on her Facebook what a liar he is and that she is moving on... then shortly after that they make up and she tells him that she doesn't wanna be without him. (really it goes much further than Facebook) Now, I realize that it may look like I am being biased cause he is my friend, but I befriended her at one time to. I also know that I am not 100% innocent in the Facebook trashing game, but I will NEVER trash anyone that I love or care about. EVER! I may complain about my ex, but I never drag our trash out for everyone to see. If you are going to trash someone do it on your OWN profile. There is no need to sign into someones account and let their personal business become everyone's business. No matter how much she nag's, trashes, and hammers him it won't make me think ill of him and I commented (yes, I know I shouldn't have) that I thought it was childish to spill his beans all over the net. Especially since he has no way of knowing or has the resources to check in and see what went down.

Maybe I am being dumb, but seriously, this made me mad. Why do people think that its okay to blast people like she did?! If you want to release your frustrations, DO IT ON YOUR OWN STATUS, don't log into someone's account and post it everywhere! Good hell, have respect! I don't care if you hate the person... CONTROL yourself before you do something that you know that you will regret! This isn't just about my friend, this goes for ALL of my friends that have had it happen to them OR have done it to others! One day you will learn, and when that day comes, it will be too late.... everyone will have their own opinions about you and your actions!

Anyways, that is what I think of it. I know that my thoughts or opinions don't even matter, but at this boiling point, I just don't care. :)

No clue.

I have no idea what to write tonight. Usually every New Years I write a Journal entry about my year and my thoughts about the New Year ahead of me but right now I feel like I have a major case of Writers block!

This year I have been through more than I ever thought that I could handle! Honestly, I have my Heavenly Father to thank! He has answered prayer.... upon prayer..... upon prayer! Life would get so bad that I honestly was scared to think about what the next day would bring. I couldn't handle much more than I dared to. It made me so sad to think about what my kids were going through if my days were that bad. But somehow, every day, I forced a smile on my face and made the very best of things, and it was then that I knew that Heavenly Father was listening. He was trying to lighten my load so to speak.

Out of all the hard things James and I have had to deal with, I would have to say that if tomorrow is another bad day... it's okay, A good one will come along.

I am so grateful for everyone that has influenced my life this past year. I hope that everyone has a GREAT New Year. I hope its a safe Holiday for everyone traveling and celebrating!

I guess this is goodbye 2011.... Goodnight.

New Years Quotes!

--An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in.  A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.  ~Bill Vaughan
--A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.  ~Author Unknown

--Be always at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let each new year find you a better man.  ~Benjamin Franklin
--Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right.  ~Oprah Winfrey

--Ring out the old, ring in the new,
Ring, happy bells, across the snow:
The year is going, let him go;
Ring out the false, ring in the true.
~Alfred, Lord Tennyson, 1850

December 22...

Every year on this day, my day starts the same. I wake up, stare at my Dad's picture on my dresser, and all my memories start flooding my head. Today marks the day he slipped into a coma. Eight years. Eight long hard years. You would think that the day that he passed away was the only hard day... but it was a two week long nightmare.

He was taken via Life Flight from Richfield to Provo December 22, 2003. I will never forget everything that happened on that day. I had felt heartache before, but nothing like this. Something that we couldn't deny was in fact happening. We prayed and hoped things would get better. Things weren't the same. Christmas wasn't the same.

My oldest was barely 10 months old, he would never know his Grandfather, and how much he was loved by him.

This photo was taken when my son was 15 mins old. He was a big baby at birth, so his Grandpa Childs called him 'Overload' and his 'Big Boy'.

Music Soothes My Everything!

According to researchers at Manchester University, music fans are stimulating part of the inner ear known as the Sacculus, which responds to the beat in music. This gives the brain pleasure and makes us feel good — during the music and afterwards. [When loud music is playing,] the brain is stimulated into releasing feelgood hormones that make us calm, happy and responsive.

Even though to much loud music is damaging to your ears, I enjoy it. There are a lot of people that LOVE music but don't listen to it as much or as loud as me. So when they are around its n absolute drag when they turn it down-even when a conversation isn't taking place. I get it, I know that some people can't think or do some things like read etc while music is on. My dear Husband is one of those people! Hahaha, I love you James!!  I most definately do not take quiet time for granted, but if you were to add a great song to the silence, its magical!


I love music, I always have! For as long as I can remember I have always loved a good song! My Father always had a good song playing in his Bronco. He even made a box for his speakers so that they were louder. I heard great songs from Musical wonders like, Elvis Presley, Kingston Trio, Def Lepard, Ozzy Osborne, The Beetles, etc..

I have noticed that I am not the only Music lover in my family. Both of my sisters are Music lovers by heart as well! But I seriously have my doubts that they are as bad as I. :) I could listen to music every day all day! When I was 9 years old, my Dad found someone to teach me to sing. From that point on til I was 17 I was a growing songbird. :) So I guess you could say that my Musical ambition is partly my Fathers fault! LOL, Which is entirely okay with me!

-The function of Music is to release us from the tyranny of conscious thought-
 -Music is just something that helps me escape and be totally free from everything-David Schmitt-
-Music washes away from the soul the dust from everyday life!-
-Music is a world within itself, with a language we all understand.-

Now, its back to my Music I go...